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Bumpshack Stories From  April 2006

April 30, 2006

 
Mommy?

Halle Berry is adopting.  Submit your application to Berry's manager to be considered.  posted 2:38am by jholmes

Mischa Barton is planning her own fashion line.  I believe that officially makes every star in Hollywood with their own clothing line now.  posted 2:34am by jholmes

Happy Birthdays:  Willie Nelson is 73 today.  Kirsten Dunst is 24. 

The five worst things you can do to your car.  posted 2:28am by jholmes

Who has the best pancakes?  posted 2:25am by jholmes

Today in 1789, George Washington took office as the first President of the United States.  posted 1:43am by jholmes

A Mission Impossible III movie publicity stunt brought out the bomb squad to a news rack in Los Angeles on Saturday.  posted 1:40am by jholmes

Like A Rolling Stone:  Keith Richards suffered a mild concussion this weekend after falling out of a palm tree while vacationing in Fiji.  Richards was napping in the tree.  Now that is funny.  posted 12:05am by jholmes

April 29, 2006

NFL DRAFT BOARD
Updated Live During Draft

1. Houston Texans	Mario Williams		DE- N.C. State
2.  New Orleans Saints	Reggie Bush		RB- USC
3. Tennessee Titans	Vince Young		QB- Texas
4. New York Jets	D'Brickashaw Ferguson		OT- Virginia
5. Green Bay Packers	A.J. Hawk		LB- Ohio State
6. San Francisco 49'ers	Vernon Davis		TE- Maryland
7. Oakland Raiders	Michael Huff		SS- Texas
8. Buffalo Bills	Donte Whitner		SS- Ohio State
9. Detroit Lions	Ernie Sims		LB- Florida State
10.Arizona Cardinals	Matt Leinart		QB- USC

NFL Draft Analysis: The NFL Draft kicks off at noon eastern time today on ESPN.  The Texans have already signed Mario Williams and will be drafting him #1.  Reggie Bush, the most highly rated player on every teams wish list, will likely go to the New Orleans Saints at #2 unless they trade the pick.

There is a lot of debate as to whether Houston screwed the pooch in the worst way by signing/drafting Williams.  Any player can be a flop.  Williams could be, as could even Reggie Bush.  But Texans fans would not be as upset if Bush was because he was the top rated 'can't miss' prospect.  If Williams turns out to be a flop then everyone is like 'see we told you that you were being an idiot by not drafting Bush.'

The Texans probably should have at least traded down in the draft and got another pick or player.  They still would have been able to draft Williams.  The #1 spot has so much leverage especially in a year with a player of the caliber of Reggie Bush on the board.

Personally I hope the Saints draft someone besides Bush so my Titans can snatch Reggie up with the #3 pick.  I don't see Reggie lasting past #2.  If the Saints don't draft Bush then another team will trade up with New Orleans to acquire the pick.  

Bumpshack Mock Draft

1. Houston Texans- Mario Williams, North Carolina State

2. New Orleans Saints- Reggie Bush, USC Trojans

3. Tennessee Titans- Vince Young, Texas Longhorns

4. New York Jets- Matt Leinart, USC Trojans

5. Green Bay Packers- A.J. Hawk, Ohio State Buckeyes

posted 3:32am by jholmes

April 28, 2006

Bush No Longer #1 in Texas

Texans will draft Mario Williams tomorrow 

ESPN is reporting that the Houston Texans and Mario Williams have reached a deal and will be the #1 pick in tomorrows NFL Draft.  Will the Saints now draft Reggie Bush or trade the pick? 

The Houston Texans have signed North Carolina State defensive end Mario Williams to a six-year, $54 million deal, making him the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft Saturday

Of the $54 million, Williams is guaranteed $26.5 million.  

The choice of Williams by the Texans could dramatically alter the landscape of the early segment of the first round. The New Orleans Saints, with the second choice, have indicated they would snap up Bush if he fell to their slot. But the Saints had hinted, in general, that they might entertain trade offers for their pick.   posted 6:19am by jholmes

Mandy is not too happy with Cosmo regarding this cover.

Mandy Moore's unfortunate 'Unlimited Orgasms' experience.  Cosmo can make you look pretty trashy.  Just ask me about it.

"I'm very flattered to be on a magazine cover, but the horrifying part is my parent's have framed every magazine that I've ever been on from the beginning.

"So there's a whole wall dedicated to that and it starts off with me at 14 and 'Mandy's favourite colour is pink!' and now Cosmo and my face and 'orgasms unlimited.'

"And my dad has to take it to the framer's to get it framed. It has nothing to do with me - it's just an article (that appears in the magazine)!"   posted 2:46am by jholmes

Devil Rays prospect Delmon Young has been suspended indefinitely for throwing bat at a minor league umpire and striking him in the chest.  Young is the top minor league prospect in all of baseball.  posted 2:21am by jholmes

Alec Baldwin is being a horse's butt once again. 

AN ACCLAIMED New York theater actress has quit the Off-Broadway play "Entertaining Mr. Sloane," charging that the volatile behavior of the show's star - Alec Baldwin - has "created an unhealthy and oppressive situation" on stage and off.

Jan Maxwell, who won rave reviews for her performance in Joe Orton's black comedy, wrote in an e-mail to a friend that Baldwin's frequent temper tantrums - including putting his fist through a wall because the air conditioning wasn't high enough - also caused her to fear for her "physical safety, mental health and artistic integrity."   posted 1:20am by jholmes

How Disturbing:  Rosie O'Donnell to join The View to replace Meredith Vieira.  posted 1:17am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Gorky Park    

Artist Rendering of the Freedom Tower

Construction on the Freedom Tower in New York City has started.  The Towers are being build where the World Trade Center use to be.  posted 12:52am by jholmes

April 27, 2006

Dogg Pound:  Snoop Dogg has been arrested.  The arrest this time came in London's Heathrow airport.  Snoop and about 20 in his posse were arrested for causing a riot.  posted 11:24am by jholmes

Bad Denise! Bad Motive!

Denise Richards seems to have had an ulterior motive in recent advice she gave (former) pal Heather Locklear.

But apparently the history goes back a little further. “[Richards] was the one who told Heather to file for divorce,” an insider told the mag. “Now it looks like she had an ulterior motive.”

“Heather thinks Denise is the worst kind of woman — a backstabber,” a “pal” told the mag. “She wants nothing to do with her ever again.”   posted 1:39am by jholmes

Discuss on the Bumpshack Message Board

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Andrew Jackson     posted 1:34am by jholmes

The Top Ten Liberal Cities in America.  posted 1:30am by jholmes

A new study says that red wine can prolong your life and prevent aging.  posted 1:27am by jholmes

The Top Five Public Restrooms in America have been selected.  posted 1:25am by jholmes

Oil prices have fallen below $72 a barrel.  posted 1:21am by jholmes

The Dow-Jones hit a six year high yesterday.  posted 1:19am by jholmes

April 26, 2006

Steve Nash has won his second straight NBA MVP award according to published reports in several newspapers and ESPN.  posted 9:34am by jholmes 

Silent Hill topped the Box Office over the weekend

Top Weekend Movies
April 21-23, 2006

Che Guevara is No Hero

Andy Garcia is fed up with people who glorify Che Guevara by wearing his image on shirts and other items.

The actor accepts that Guevara stands for rebellion and is seen as a hero to many, but he sees the revolutionary as a butcher who killed millions of his countrymen

Argentine-born Guevara helped current Cuban leader Fidel Castro overthrow General Fulgencio Batista's government in a guerrilla revolution in the late 1950s.

Garcia, who left Cuba when he was five, says, "I'd be curious to go around and ask them how much they really know about Che. Some people wearing the T-shirt don't even know his name. They know he's some sort of revolutionary, and to wear his image is cool because you feel like a revolutionary.......   posted 9:01am by jholmes

Actor Kevin Costner has been exposed as the celebrity who performed a sex act in Scotland while receiving a massage.  A judge ruled the evidence was not strong enough to suppress his name any longer.  posted 8:51am by jholmes

It's Official: Tony Snow becomes the new White House Press Secretary.  posted 8:49am by jholmes

10 wise words that will make you laugh.  posted 12:34am by jholmes

Lost star Michelle Rodriguez is going to jail for drunken driving on the island.  posted 12:22am by jholmes

Appears another Golden Ticket has been punched

Us Weekly is reporting that Britney Spears is in fact pregnant again.  No word on who the father is, but I guess we can assume it is the spermanator.  posted 12:20am by jholmes

Kobe Bryant will change uniform numbers and wear the number 24 next year according to several league sources. 

In order for a player to change jersey numbers at will, he either has to change teams or have the team inform the league of the decision more than six months in advance. Players who stay with the same team must have worn the same number for four seasons or longer. Sources say the Lakers informed the league of Bryant's wish to change his number by this year's March 3 deadline.   posted 12:09am by jholmes

The NFL has suspended Ricky Williams for the entire 2006 NFL season.  Williams has failed four drug tests since entering the league.  posted by 12:06am by jholmes

Brett Favre has finally decided and he will return for one more season in the NFL with the Green Bay Packers.  posted 12:05am by jholmes

April 25, 2006

Denise Richards and Ritchie Sambora

Heather Locklear's ex Ritchie Sambora and Denise Richards are now hooking up.  Locklear and Richards are good friends which is weird.  Richards just this week got a restraining order against her husband Charlie 'Hooker' Sheen.  More photos of Denise and Ritchie.  posted 2:11am by jholmes

Authors, musicians, bands and movie production companies cashing in on 6-6-06.  posted 2:01am by jholmes

Halle Berry takes care of herself in her upcoming film.  posted 12:10am by jholmes

Terrorists have struck an Egyptian resort with three blasts that have killed 23 and injured over 60 tourists.  posted 12:06am by jholmes

Tony Snow is likely to take the post of Press Secretary in the Bush White House.  posted 12:05am by jholmes

Ben & Jerry's has apologized for a new flavor its ice cream called Black & Tan.

Ice cream makers Ben & Jerry's have apologized for causing offence by calling a new flavor "Black & Tan" -- the nickname of a notoriously violent British militia that operated during Ireland's war of independence.   posted 12:03am by jholmes

Today in 1719, Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe was first published.  posted 12:01am by jholmes

April 24, 2006

Ron Artest has been suspended one game by the NBA for his elbow to Manu Ginobili in game one.  Ginobili received no such suspension for his elbow to Artest earlier in the same game.  posted 10:39am by jholmes

The seven worst desserts you should never eat. 

1. Oreos

2. Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby Ice Cream

3. Otis Spunkmeyer Iced Chocolate Brownies

4. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (Double Chocolate)

5. Sara Lee Classic New York Cheesecake

6. Little Debbie Nutty Bars

7. Banana Split from Denny's

        posted 1:42am by jholmes

Top 10 Windows XP Tips of all-time.  posted 1:40am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Jalal Talabani      posted 1:28am by jholmes

Great Washington Post bio piece on Fox News' news anchor Brit Hume.  posted 1:25am by jholmes

A bride's father and brother were stabbed at her wedding by a man who was growing impatient over the cake cutting.

"It was beautiful until something happened in the parking lot, and my dad and my brother got stabbed four or five times each," said Lisa Siders, Rick Diamond Sr.'s daughter.

The bride said she would postpone her honeymoon so she could be with her recovering father and brother.   posted 1:08am by jholmes

The mayor race for New Orleans will be a run-off between controversial current mayor Ray Nagin and challenger Mitch Landrieu.  posted 1:05am by jholmes   More Katrina News

Gas price map of the prices of gasoline across the country.  Discuss on the Bumpshack Message Board.   posted 1:00am by jholmes

April 21, 2006

 
King of Pain

King of Pain: Here are some more quotes from the gut wrenching interview Nick Lachey gave to Rolling Stone. 

"I never wanted to be a divorce," he says wryly. "I wanted us to be happy. I guess we differed on strategy."

"I will only say this," Lachey begins warily. "It is difficult, at best, to juggle your personal and professional relationships when they are under the same roof. The mix has always been challenging to me. The Simpson family is a tightknit group. I knew going in they would be there. I'm not sure I knew how extensive it was going to be."

"When it first happened, everyone was like, 'Don't leave him alone at the house, be with him all the time!' But I was never suicidal. I just wanted to deal with it on my own."

"It breaks my heart that I couldn't make Jessica happy," he mumbles, his chin pressed into his chest. "I wanted to be everything to my wife. I wanted her to look at me with love in her eyes, the way she did at the beginning, and have her feel like I was the most wonderful, awe-inspiring man on the planet. And when that stopped, it was the worst feeling in the world."

"I'd marry her all over again," he says softly. "Because I still love her. It would be a lot easier to walk away if I didn't."

"All that stuff in the press -- this week they split, this week they're back together. All that stuff was not our reality," Lachey says now, then swiftly clarifies. "Or I should say, it wasn't my reality. I wasn't trying to defend myself in the press. I was trying to defend my marriage to my spouse."

"People forget we're real people dealing with real hurt," Lachey says plaintively. "This wasn't some publicity stunt. This wasn't some scripted-for-reality-television romantic tragedy. It's my real life, you know?"

"On the day she filed for divorce, I drove to her parents' house and tried to change her mind. I had done the research and I had the number of the best marriage counselor in town. I thought we owed it to ourselves to try with a third party. You get to a point where there is so much animosity you can't hear each other. But she didn't want to go."

"I read somewhere somebody was saying, 'Oh, he's capitalizing on his failed marriage to sell records,' " Lachey says. "That really pisses me off. Like I wouldn't rather be singing about how great love is? About my newborn son and shit like that? Give me a fucking break. I don't get to choose where my life goes. What do you want me to sing about?"   posted 2:57am by jholmes

A look at the hottest new home markets in the U.S.  posted 2:37am by jholmes

Gilmore Girls to get new producer.  I have caught a few episodes of this show recently and it's actually pretty good.  It can be found on the WB.  posted 2:35am by jholmes

Kelly Kapowski: Remember her from Saved by the Bell?  posted 2:31am by jholmes

Video:  Stacey Keibler getting soaked by a water gun at WWE.  posted 2:27am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Hominy     posted 2:22am by jholmes

Today in 753 B.C. Rome was founded by Romulus and Remus.  posted 2:21am by jholmes

Baby Moses and mom have been captured on film.   posted 2:18am by jholmes

The Dow-Jones average hit a six year high yesterday.  I have to say it was a great day to be in the markets.  posted 2:10am by jholmes

A 7.7 quake rocked Russia early this morning. 

Presgrave said USGS records indicated the quake was "the largest quake on record, since at least 1900, in this general area."

At 7.7, it was more powerful than the 7.6 magnitude quake that killed more than 73,000 people last October in Pakistan.  

The Koryakia district in the north of the Kamchatka region has five towns and 25 villages. About 30,000 people live in the northeastern Russian region, making it one of the country's most thinly populated areas.   posted 2:07am by jholmes

Check out the newly designed Bumpshack Message Board.  posted 1:59am by jholmes

The New York Yankees are baseball's first billion dollar team in value according to Forbes magazine.  posted 1:57am by jholmes

April 20, 2006

China's president was heckled during his speech on the White House lawn today by a protestor.

During Hu's remarks, a protester began screaming and was led away by security, but did not interrupt the leader's statement. The woman was a credentialed member of the media and member of the Falun Gong. In Chinese, the woman said: "Bush, stop him from persecuting" Falun Gong and, "Mr. Hu, your days are numbered."   posted 8:55am by jholmes

Today in 1999 the Columbine High School massacre took place.  Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold killed twelve of their fellow students along with a teacher.  Twenty-four others were wounded.  The boys then turned the guns and committed suicide.  posted 1:32am by jholmes

British tabloid apologizes to Teri Hatcher regarding story of her having sex in a van parked on her street.  posted 1:23am by jholmes

A 76-year-old phony doctor has been charged with going door-to-door and offering free breast exams to housewives.  At least two women fell for his ploy.  This man should not be charged. He should be given a role in Grumpy Old Men 3.  posted 1:19am by jholmes 

Can you guess who this celebrity is?
Send me your guess

German Chancellor Angela Merkel caught with her swimsuit down.  posted 1:12am by jholmes

Keira Knightly apparently can not get enough sex.  posted 1:09am by jholmes

WOW! Stacey Keibler as a school girl.....video.  posted 1:07am by jholmes

Karl Rove is giving up his daily policy post in the Bush White House to focus on the Republicans keeping control of Congress in upcoming elections later this year.  posted 1:03am by jholmes

Tiger Woods is planning to race a car in a motor sports race in New Zealand this month. 

Woods said bumping between cars on the tight and narrow circuit was "part of the deal" and his insurance was "taken care of.   posted 12:59am by jholmes

Cycling great Lance Armstrong is planning to run in the New York City Marathon in November.  posted 12:58am by jholmes

April 19, 2006

 
Nick has taken the gloves off regarding Jessica

Nick Lachey is starting to promote his new album What's Left of Me and is starting to discuss his failed marriage to the modern day Einstein, Jessica Simpson.

"I'll tell you how I knew my marriage was over: I was told."

Lachey admits: "I don't know if there were other men. But if she did cheat, it was the result of something bigger, not the reason we didn't work. ... Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had just walked in the house and found her in bed with a guy. That would be clear-cut. End of story. I wouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty of adultery."

"I don't pretend to understand Joe," he says. "I don't know if he ever liked me. To this day I couldn't say. It was painful. Do I think Joe drove a rift between us? No. Was he an influence in our marriage? Absolutely."

"Jessica and I began playing these parts even when we were by ourselves," he says of their roles. "It became a really blurred line. There was a question about what truly was our reality."    posted 11:07am by jholmes

Discuss on the Bumpshack Message Board

Brooke Shields and her good friend Tom Cruise had children on the same day.  Shields baby girl is named Grier and the TomKitty is Suri.  Shields and Cruise's BEEF goes back nearly a year now....so here is a look at the odds of these events happening to their newborns in their lifetimes. 

Odds that Suri's mom had an epidural: 200 to 1
Odds that Grier's mom will embark on a regimen of psychotherapy and prescriptions to combat postpartum depression: 5 to 2
Odds that Suri's mom will do the same: 500,000 to 1
Odds that Grier will star in Mom's next TV movie of the week: 12 to 1
Odds that Suri will appear in Mission: Impossible IV: 10 to 1
Odds that both Grier and Suri will be teased on the playground over their names: 1 to 2
Odds that Grier will be mortified when she comes across old ads of her mom letting nothing come between herself and her Calvins: 3 to 2
Odds that Suri will be mortified when she comes across footage of her dad dancing to Bob Seger in his tighty-whities in Risky Business: 2 to 1
Odds that Grier and Suri will have a playdate or a slumber party five years from now: 2,000 to 1
Odds that Grier and Suri would be born on the same day: 1,000,000,000,000 to 1
Odds of same, adjusted for karma: Even
posted 11:04am by jholmes

More Cruise Craziness

It's Revolutionary

Today in 1775 the Revolutionary War began with the Battles of Lexington and Concord.  In 1995 the Oklahoma City bombing took place that killed nearly 200 civilians.  posted 10:53am by jholmes

Bush continues to shake up staff by cutting White House press secretary Scott McClellan.  Fox News' Tony Snow is among the names being discussed to replace McClellan.  posted 10:50am by jholmes

April 18, 2006

TomKat Alien Child Arrives 

Baby Suri

I knew I heard screaming this afternoon. Katie Holmes gave birth to the alien child this afternoon.  Cruise and Holmes have a baby girl and they gave it the alien name Suri.

The name Suri has its origins in Hebrew, meaning "princess," or in Persian, meaning "red rose," the statement said.   posted 6:19pm by jholmes

More Cruise Craziness

Mr. Pitt and Matching Ink.

Brad Pitt now has a matching tattoo on his back similar to the Buddhist prayer tattoo that Angelina Jolie has as well.  posted 1:21am by jholmes

Georgia's governor signed a tough sweeping immigration bill into law yesterday.

The Georgia Security and Immigration Compliance Act, signed into law by Republican Gov. Sonny Perdue, denies many state services paid for by taxpayers to people who are in the United States illegally.

It also forces contractors doing business with the state to verify the legal status of new workers, and requires police to notify immigration officials if people charged with crimes are illegal immigrants.

"It's our responsibility to ensure that our famous Georgia hospitality is not abused, that our taxpayers are not taken advantage of and that our citizens are protected," Perdue said before signing the law.   posted 1:17am by jholmes

100 years ago today the great San Francisco Earthquake and fires took place that nearly destroyed the entire city.  posted 12:53am by jholmes

Meg Ryan breaks silence in saying that Dennis Quaid was the one who strayed during their marriage.  posted 12:49am by jholmes

Tom Cruise set to eat placenta after Katie gives birth according to GQ magazine.  More Cruise Craziness.   posted 12:35am by jholmes

April 17, 2006

LSU's basketball player Tyrus Thomas is leaving school early to enter the NBA Draft.  The high-flying Thomas is projected as a top five pick. 

Rudy Gay to turn pro as well.   posted 10:22am by jholmes 

Top Weekend Movies
April 14-16, 2006

Child Abuse: Angelina Jolie is planning to have her baby in the African country of Namibia. 

A local governor in Namibia said Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt told him they will have their baby in his country and are considering giving the child a Namibian name, a newspaper reported Sunday.  

Namibia suffers from deep poverty and perennial food shortages but is a popular destination for South Africans for its brilliant scenery and teeming wildlife.   posted 12:52am by jholmes

Discuss on the Bumpshack Message Board.

Does Katie Holmes ever talk?  I sure never hear anything from her, but see pregnant photo after pregnant photo of her carrying that alien.  Do you think she kept the turkey baster that did the job?  Discuss on the Bumpshack Message Board.   posted 12:35am by jholmes

The price of gold is now over $600 per ounce.  posted 12:34am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Shroud of Turin     posted 12:32am by jholmes

Daffy Duck

Today in 1937 Daffy Duck made his cartoon debut in a short by Warner Brothers.  posted 12:29am by jholmes

April 16, 2006  Happy Easter

 
Thank You J!

Happy Easter:  Today is Easter for Christians all over the world.

Easter is the most important religious holiday of the Christian liturgical year, observed between late March and late April (early April to early May in Eastern Christianity) to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, which Christians believe occurred after his death by crucifixion in AD 27-33 (see Good Friday).   posted 12:10am by jholmes

Dick Cheney and his wife Lynne gave over $7 million dollars last year to medical research and the poor. 

The Cheneys gave more than three-quarters of their income - $6,869,655 - to several charities, including George Washington University's Cardiothoracic Institute and a charity for low-income high school students in the Washington, D.C. area, Capital Partners for Education.   posted 12:06am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Benjamin Franklin    posted 12:03am by jholmes

116,000 are homeless after Brazilian flood.  posted 12:02am by jholmes

Angelina Jolie's first lesbian lover has spoken out.  The question is: Will she shut up now?  posted 12:00am by jholmes

April 15, 2006

 
Jessica Simpson Showing Off Some Great Surgeon's Work

Quote of the Day: "Years ago, I asked my dad for a boob job and he said it would cheapen my image." -Paris Hilton

Today in 1912 the passenger liner RMS Titanic sunk.  posted 11:34am by jholmes

Mumps has now been diagnosed in eight mid-western states.  posted 1:11am by jholmes

Tom Cruise says there will be no baptism for his upcoming alien child with Katie Holmes who was raised Catholic.

"No, I mean you can be Catholic and be a Scientologist. You can be Jewish and be a Scientologist. But we're just Scientologists."

The superstar dad-to-be also confirms to Sawyer that Holmes, in the final stages of her pregnancy with the couple's first child, will adhere to Scientology's practice of quiet birth. Cruise explains that "quiet birth," which aims to minimize talk and other noise inside the delivery room," is "basically just respecting the mother."   posted 1:08am by jholmes

More Cruise Craziness

Amphetamine ban could have major impact on Major League Baseball this year.  posted 1:05am by jholmes

April 14, 2006

Mohawk Pitt 

Maddox had the mohawk first, but Mr. Pitt has it now.  He looks like Robert DeNiro as Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver.  posted 3:47pm by jholmes

Does J. Lo = (S+C) x (B+F) / (T-V)?

A group of British professors have come up with a formula for the perfect butt.  Like those geeks would have a clue. 

"The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce, yet looks soft with flawless skin," said Dr. David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, who devised the formula for measuring one's moons.

And the Rosetta Stone of bootyliciousness is: (S+C) x (B+F) / (T-V).   posted 12:33am by jholmes

Angelina Jolie takes shot at Jennifer Aniston for milking her break up with Brad Pitt to ruin his reputation.  I don't think Pitt needed any help. 

Tonya claims Jolie said, "Oh my God, it makes me want to throw up! She shot her mouth off and Oprah took it all in.

"The audience took it all in. They were all against Brad and me from that moment on.   posted 12:13am by jholmes

A Federal grand jury is going to look into perjury charges against Barry Bonds regarding lying about his steroid use to a prior grand jury during the BALCO trial. 

"This is extremely bad news for Barry Bonds," said CNN senior legal analyst Jeff Toobin, "because a federal prosecutor doesn't start looking into perjury unless he has a pretty good idea he's going to find perjury at the end of the day."   posted 12:08am by jholmes

Woman Prez to be axed!  Insiders are saying that the TV show Commander in Chief is about to be cancelled just after one season.  posted 12:05am by jholmes

April 13, 2006

 
At least you could grip them like a bowling ball.

Tori Spelling's boobs have more indentions than an aluminum bat that has been used in smashing mailboxes in.  posted 1:08am by jholmes

Waxy Lindsey 'Ho' Lohan

Lindsey Lohan now is all wax at Madam Tussaud's Wax Musuem in Vegas.  posted 1:04am by jholmes

Video of Paris singing Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner.  posted 12:58am by jholmes 

Tiger the Spaz

Tiger Woods is being criticized for using the word 'spaz'.  posted 12:52am by jholmes

A woman died Tuesday at Walt Disney World in Orlando after riding 'Mission Space'.  To be honest, I felt like my insides had died and were trying to come up the last time I rode it.  It is a motion simulator ride.  posted 12:50am by jholmes

The U.S. says Iran could build a nuclear bomb in just 16 days.  posted 12:48am by jholmes

Today in 1860 the Pony Express successfully completed its first delivery.

The Pony Express was the first fast mail line across the North American continent from the Missouri River to the Pacific coast, operating from April 1860 to November 1861.   posted 12:46am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Andre the Giant.  posted 12:44am by jholmes

Stan 'the Man' Musial at Opening Day at the new Busch Stadium.

New Busch Stadium opens to rave reviews in St. Louis.  It is actually the third Busch Stadium in Cardinals history.  Photos   posted 12:40am by jholmes

Cruise Kills Another One with Vitamins

Thanks Tom! Group takes out ad in L.A. Weekly after schizophrenic Scientologist refuses, drugs, takes vitamins, hears voices and proceeds to kill his mother.

“Thanks, Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology, for your expert advice on mental health,” blasts an ad in LA Weekly. The ad goes on to say that a woman was killed “by the schizophrenic son she was told to treat with vitamins instead of psychiatric care.”

The ad refers readers to a Web site, which provides details on the case of Jeremy Perkins, a 28-year-old schizophrenic who stabbed his mother to death. Perkins was a staunch Scientologist and his mother was a counselor in the church — which opposes psychiatry and psychiatric drugs and “believes modern psychiatric medicine derives from an ancient alien civilization’s plot to drug and enslave humanity,” notes the site.   posted 12:22am by jholmes

More on Jeremey Perkins: A Scientology Tragedy
More Cruise Craziness

April 12, 2006

 
The Greatest: Ali

Muhammad Ali has sold 80% of the rights to his name for $50 million dollars.  I guess he is jut Ali now.  posted 10:13am by jholmes

Sex and the City actor John Corbett is shy about being photographed with his girlfriend Bo Derek in public.  posted 12:11am by jholmes 

Paris singing Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner

Paris Hilton sang Happy 80th birthday to Hef over the weekend.  Don't forget that she has her own album coming out this summer, complete with Three 6 Mafia duet.  posted 12:51am by jholmes

Jennifer Love Hewitt denies Wilmer Valderrama's claim of them hopping in the sheets together.  posted 12:49am by jholmes

All appears well with Sean Spears-Federline after he took a nasty fall and hit his head last week.  Child Services visited the family after they took him to the hospital.  posted 12:48am by jholmes

Tom Cruise is attacking psychiatric drugs once again.  The righteous actor goes on to boost of his helping others kick the drug habit in the new GQ.

He tells the magazine, "I've always found the 'if it makes me feel better, it's OK' rationale a little suspect. "I think it's appalling that people have to live a life of drug addiction when I have personally helped people get off drugs."  posted 12:42am by jholmes

More Cruise Craziness

GOP doesn't want illegal aliens to be charged as felons.  posted 12:40am by jholmes

John Calipari will be staying at the University of Memphis.  The Tigers coach has asked to be removed from the N.C. State short list.  Cal was just using them for leverage to get even more money from Memphis.  posted 12:38am by jholmes

April 11, 2006

J. Lo is suing her ex-husband to prevent him from releasing a book about her and their marriage.  posted 2:40pm by jholmes

The California Department of Children and Family Services visited the home of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline over the weekend.  No word yet on the exact nature of the visit.  It could be related to her driving with her baby in her lap or perhaps Kevin's behavior or threats.  posted 12:16pm by jholmes

Hilarious:  President Bush singing Imagine by John Lennon. Check the video.  posted 1:17am by jholmes

 
Britney Spears is no longer sexy

Britney Spears has fallen out of the Top 100 Sexiest People just two years after topping the list. 

Britney is currently around 20 places outside of FHM's 100 sexiest list, lagging way behind the likes of Joss Stone and Charlotte Church.   posted 12:49am by jholmes

Hot Britney Video Remix

Illegal immigrants continue to protest all over America in the millions.  It appears that most are starting to finally wave American flags instead of Mexico flags.  It makes sense if you are arguing to stay here. 

Organizers said their "national day of action for immigration justice" included events in more than 140 cities in at least 39 states, with drum-banging and flag-waving masses chanting "Si se puede" -- "Yes we can" -- in rallies from coast to coast.   posted 12:41am by jholmes

Gwyneth Paltrow gives birth to Moses.  No word yet on when he will be sent down river.  posted 12:36am by jholmes

No DNA match in Duke lacrosse rape scandal.  posted 12:29am by jholmes

The price of oil is nearing $69 a barrel as tensions continue to rise regarding Iran.  posted 12:27am by jholmes

Wikipedia Article of the Day: Fanny Blankers-Koen  posted 12:23am by jholmes

The top over and underpaid players in Major League Baseball.  posted 12:19am by jholmes

April 10, 2006

Top Weekend Movies
April 7-9, 2006

Humor: Chuck Norris facts. 

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.    posted 12:48am by jholmes

Saudi Arabia is planning a 560 mile fence on its border with Iraq.  posted 12:45am by jholmes

Phil Mickelson came away the victor at Augusta to win The Masters golf tournament.  The leader board was stacked with the best of the best.  Tiger finished in third place.  Tiger's agony.  posted 12:33am by jholmes

It has been awhile since I blogged. I was in Dallas on some business and hotels and the internet suck. They want $16 bucks a day to use the net? I say that is a crime.  posted 12:27am by jholmes

April 4, 2006

 
Joakim Noah led the Gators to the title.
Buy Florida Gators National Championship Gear

The Florida Gators are NCAA basketball champs after chomping apart the UCLA Bruins 73-57.  Joakim Noah was the MVP of the tournament. 

"It's undescribable," said Noah, who now will decide whether to turn pro, "better than I've ever felt in my life."

There was no strategy to stop Noah. The 6-foot-11 forward dunked, swatted shots and dominated the game, much like his dad did during his magical run to the French Open title in 1983.

"I'm so happy," Yannick Noah said, wiping away tears from behind his sunglasses. "I'm so happy for him, but also for all of his friends. They deserve it. It's a beautiful story."   posted 1:26am by jholmes

Photos: Britney Spears is attempting to sweat off those extra lbs. with some dancing.  posted 1:12am by jholmes

Tom talking about his priorities when asked if he was going to marry Katie Holmes:

“First the baby, then the film, then, in summer, we want to get married. I won’t let this woman get away.”   posted 1:07am by jholmes

More Cruise Craziness

$400 million dollar cookie empire run by green-clad 10-year olds.  posted 1:02am by jholmes

Jerry Garcia's toilet has been stolen.  

Garcia's salmon-colored toilet was the subject of a legal battle before it was finally moved to Sonoma, to await shipment to a Canadian casino.   posted 12:59am by jholmes 

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today in 1968, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee at the Lorraine Motel by James Earl Ray.  posted 12:52am by jholmes

Canada has scrapped plans to legalize marijuana.  The plan appears to have gone up in smoke.  posted 12:49am by jholmes 

Barry and Syringe

Fan throws syringe at Barry Bonds during home opener in San Diego.  posted 12:43am by jholmes

Embattled Congressman Tom Delay says he will not be running for re-election.  posted 12:38am by jholmes

April 3, 2006

 
Teri Hatcher's whoring a new guy on yet another day.  John Stamos this time.

Michael Jackson has been named the 'most foolish person in the U.S.' for the fourth consecutive year.  posted 12:48am by jholmes

 
Bruno Hauptmann

Random Wikipedia Article of the Day: Bruno Hauptmann

Today in 1882 Jesse James was shot in the back and killed for a $10,000 bounty.  Two of Jesse's own men were the ones that turned on him and shot him for the prize.

The assassination proved a national sensation. The Fords made no attempt to hide their role; as crowds pressed into the little house in St. Joseph to see the dead bandit, they surrendered to the authorities, pleaded guilty, were sentenced to hang, and were promptly pardoned by the governor. They received portion of the reward (some of it also went to law enforcement officials active in the plan) and fled Missouri, which now fully embraced the outlaw who had long divided public opinion in the state.   posted 12:44am by jholmes

Baseball Predictions: Here are my pre-season award predictions for the upcoming Major League Baseball season which kicks into full gear today.

NL MVP: Albert Pujols
AL MVP: Bobby Crosby
NL Cy Young: Chris Carpenter
AL Cy Young: Johan Santana
NL Rookie of Year: Prince Fielder
AL Rookie of Year: Ryan Zimmerman
NL East: Atlanta Braves
NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals
NL West: Los Angeles Dodgers
NL Wild Card: New York Mets
AL East: New York Yankees
AL Central: Chicago White Sox
AL West: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
AL Wild Card: Toronto Blue Jays
NL Champ: St. Louis Cardinals
AL Champ: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
World Series Champion: St. Louis Cardinals

ESPN's expert predictions.

Storms kill at least 14 in Tennessee and Missouri.  posted 12:27am by jholmes

Another awful review of Basic Instinct II.

The new film is laugh-out-loud awful, with unknown British actor David Morrissey straddling Stone this time around instead of Michael Douglas.  posted 12:26am by jholmes

Global Warming?  The earth has always gone through cycles of heating and cooling.

While worrying about Montana's receding glaciers, Schweitzer, who is 50, should also worry about the fact that when he was 20 he was told to be worried, very worried, about global cooling. Science magazine (Dec. 10, 1976) warned of "extensive Northern Hemisphere glaciation." Science Digest (February 1973) reported that "the world's climatologists are agreed" that we must "prepare for the next ice age."   posted 12:22am by jholmes

Katie Couric is about to make history by becoming the first female news anchor for a major network.  The announcement with CBS News is rumored to happen sometime this week.  posted 12:16am by jholmes

April 2, 2006

Monday Night's Matchup

UCLA 59 - LSU 45
The Bruins are either very lucky in meeting good teams that decide to play their worst game of the year against them or else the are that good.  This team is young, just like Florida, and they are amazing on defense.  A very well rounded team.  Be prepared for a classic battle Monday night from the most historical team in college basketball history. 
Box Score

Florida 73 - George Mason 58
Joakim Noah is turning into the man-child that is ruling and laying down the law in the NCAA tourney.  They are going to need him to withstand the curse of the UCLA defense to end up as National Champs on Monday night. 
Box Score

Basic Instict II Bomb: Here is an excerpt from a review of the sequel from the Yahoo! Message Board by dabenz24. Critics and users both give this movie a D+ on Yahoo!

Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction is a horrible sequel. I didn’t even really care about the first Basic Instinct but watching the sequel was just bad. The movie was just basically a porno with no decent story to back it up with. The only people that should be watching this movie are die hard Sharon Stone fans or just very desperate guys. Don’t trust that weird guy sitting alone in the dark watching the movie with his hands somewhere on his pants. This is one of those movies trying to get some money by enticing some guys.