Dear Kat:

Dear Kat: 
My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for about six months, and I totally want to hook up with his best friend.  His friend has been calling me a lot lately, and we go out with the gang as "friends" only, but I'm pretty sure he has the hots for me too.  Is there a guy code for dating your buddy's ex-girlfriend that's keeping him from making a move? Is there a time limit on how long I should go before I stop waiting for him to do something and I just go for it? Or is he off limits forever?

The Buddy Jumper

Dear Jumper:
The correct answer is actually in the last three words of your question. Human nature seems to be prompted to act on things out of reach and even delights in the guilty hooking up and drama that comes with it.  I will caution you strongly. Sounds like you are having a hard time letting the Ex go, and his life along with it. It never turns out pretty for the girl...she ends up being the "evil one" that got in the way of a friendship. Likely he finds you sexually attractive (and honestly that's not saying much - it means just that....men fantasize about attractive women all day long..at the grocery store, in the elevator, etc...and he has much easier access to you). The only way out of this one is if the two of you are actually in love with each other and are thinking "altar potential." Nothing less than this will do. Plus, you can't have acted on anything yet. this would be up to Mr. Potential to talk to the Ex and ask for his blessing. I see a road full of potholes either way. My suggestion is to find the high road and leave that part of your life where it belongs (in the past).

Good Luck- Kat

Dear Kat: 
Conner and I have been casually dating for four months.  He has been to my place a few times, however he has never invited me to his. Should I find this alarming?

Alarming

Dear Alarming:
Well I don't know about alarming but I probably wouldn't stake too much hope in this relationship.  A few thoughts come to mind.  1.) Maybe he's married, or lives with his girlfriend (or maybe the former recently moved out)  2.) He doesn't want you too closely attached for whatever reason, and after four months that is not a good sign.  I wouldn't put an ultimatum on the situation just yet though.....just see other people and look for someone who is interested in sharing as much of themselves as you are willing to.  At least that's a great place to start.

Good Luck- Kat

Dear Kat:
I went out with Mateo three times last year.  With me living in Texas , and he in Germany, we settled on casually keeping in touch.  I briefly mentioned to him via text message that I would be in Prague with friends in Czech Republic (which is about three hours away from where he lives in Germany) but without details.  Our last night on vacation, I drunkenly bellied back up to the bar from the powder room, and was surprised to see my girlfriend whom I was traveling with, talking to Mateo! Should I consider his antics romantic or psychotic?

What the Czechie

Dear Czechie:
My first reaction? Slightly psychotic.  But that also depends on how he is viewing the relationship.  I gather that you weren't all that interested in seeing him or making plans being that you didn't give him any "details" on your vacation.  How he tracked you down is a bit unsettling but I am betting that he views this as a great romantic gesture and is doing his best to win your over.  He's a perfect example of the lengths some guys will go to win you over when they really, really like you (vs. the ones we have to make excuses for why they don't call because they are busy/ tired/ important etc).  Its time to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, with no room for misinterpretation so he can channel his romantic charms in a new direction, and if he persists, I'd treat him as a stalker and perhaps call the police.

Good Luck- Kat

Dear Kat is a licensed Psychotherapist with an MSW and LCSW licenses.  You can ask her a question and have it answered here in the Kitty Corner. Al names are made fictional and only Dear Kat even knows who the emails come from and in accordance of the rules of her profession those must be kept confidential as well.  Email her with your love dilemma, drama, hurt, or problem and see what she has to say about it. You cant beat free therapy.  Email her at DearKat@bumpshack.com

Calm Your Curiosity by Christy Cox

I must start by saying. “I believe in this war and I support my troops.” Now that I have gotten that off of my chest, I will tell you my complaint.

I recently read an article on Military.com about more prisoner abuse, but this time at the hands of Navy SEALs. This abuse has come to light, because a soldier used his personal camera to take very graphic pictures of him and fellow SEALs doing their job. I say job, because this is war and they are the ultimate warriors.

After taking the pictures it is to my understanding he sent the pictures home to be developed. His wife had them developed and then posted the pictures on smugmug.com. A journalist surfing the net ran across the pictures and low and behold we have another scandal on our hands.

Let’s think about this. What part of posting pictures of dead Iraq citizens, or Iraq insurgents being interrogated was a good idea?

I am sure for years in every conflict known to man in a day in time when portable cameras were in existence pictures were taken. Even John Kerry took pictures; he even made movies in Vietnam. I am sure in the attics of many veterans there are pictures of war, many of them of a graphic nature. The difference is, in Vietnam we did not have the internet to post them all over cyber space.

Let’s fast forward to the present day. I decided to go to smugmug.com and see for myself. The pictures in question have been taken down. But, I was still able to view many other pictures of dead Iraqi Citizens and even a Dead U.S. Soldier.

Where is our sense of moral standing these days? Has it gone out the window with high speed internet connections?

Our Country is faced with the task of defending this war and protecting our Country from future terrorist attacks, and protecting our troops. Do we think we are helping matters by posting the pictures of slain Muslims all over the internet? No of course not. Osama and his crew never need any reason to spill American blood. So why give him a reason the world can sympathize with?

War is a nasty thing. But, it is a necessary evil. We have lost sight of what should be aired on TV. and what should be left on the battle fields. The round the clock news stations have made millions of dollars at the cost of operations security. Now we will probably see the careers of some Navy SEALs and their Commanding Officers fall victim to pictures taken with a personal camera and posted all over cyber space.

In closing I would like to say. We are curious about what happens over there, we are in awe of the power of our military, and we want to experience it for ourselves. But let’s have some taste and quit posting pictures that may or may not be prisoner abuse all over the internet.

We were all shocked and outraged to watch Nick Berg be decapitated, don’t you think the Iraqi citizens that support this war and support the U.S. occupation are outraged and now harboring doubt towards us over some pictures that may or may not be prisoner abuse pictures.